BULLETIN: REUTERS 26 MARCH 1971:
LONDON: 'OWARD K. SMYTHE REPORTING
Sir Orkney "Orkie" Urrd II arrived todye from H'America on 'is
wye to search for the wild mushrooms from Zanzibar for the
After a brief stop at the 'ouse of Lords for a quick one, (the
'ouse of Lords Pub in Soho, that is), 'e motored to Bucking'am
Palace for an "'it the regal purse"audience with Queen Liz.
Even though it was March, 'he was ushered into 'er Royal 'ighnesses'
august presence in the palaces' square room, 'er favorite, (where
The Prince Consort, Phillip, was at 'er side, (to check 'is consort-
ing elsewhere, no doubt), as she gracefully sat in'er class "B"
The Prince was in a vile mood but summoned from his vast reservoir
of charm and asked Sir "Orkie": "What the 'ell do you want?!"
The pie-faced Sir "Orkie", never one to mince words, disregarded the
honeyed question of the Big Wind fron Edinborough and directly
addressed the Queen.
"Would you Majesty be willing to sell some
jewels or something of
value to help buy a small ship for the M.L.,U.! venture?" The Queen
fondling 'er platinum dinner bell, part of a collection of 22,000,
looked thoughtfully and asked: "Is a bell a thing of value?"
Snorted the Princef "Only Fer din and noise, my cumquat, but your
ringey-dingey has little other value, (the ding-dong calling the
kettle black). Why not rather cast
Sir "Orkie" supergauche and his
lot of blighters into the tower, sell their blasted mushroom steamer
and coddle our own coffers fer a chynge?"
"Why don't you go consort with a rattlesnake", offered Sir "Orkie".
"Steady on 'Orkie'", said the Queen and to Phillip she fired: "It's
apparent that you 'ave no foresight for this saga so butt out and on
your wye 'ave Lord Peyton place the monoryle to Penzance at the disposal of Sir "Orkie". "While we're
about it, Price, (her pet name
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