La gazette De gourmet
vol. 1 issue 1 Mar. 1971 Paris, France
PUBLIC SUPPORT URGENT SAYS A VOOTIE BIGGIE OF THAT CARTELS' LATEST
UNDERTAKING IN AFRICA
"For this manificent scientific venture we, here at home, must provide
the needed capital. The public is kindly asked to do its part," said
the right Hon. William S. at his Easton, Conn. palace last week.
An example of some of the vast expenses which can be expected is seen
in that each of our elite Ceeceide native bearers expects to be fed
with at least three to five thousand nut and chocolate covered tse-tse
flies each day of the trek through the jungle. You can imagine by this
how much money has already been spent in fielding tse-tse fly safaris
Sir Orkney (Orkie) Urrd II and his gallant expeditionaries are in sore
need of public help. "We'll tyke h'any ruddy 'elp we can get", Sir
"Orkie" was heard to say recently at a fund raising sit-in at the
local Salvation Army headquarters.
Shares will be issued only one per person for three dollars.
BIG BIRDBASH BOMBS AT BUSCH
Two talking crows bombed out last night in an act at Busch Memorial
Auditorium to the chagrin of their trainer, Jack Daw, when each failed
to utter so much as a "caw".
Across town at the Strand, however, the loquatious parakeet of Bea
Oriole created a sensation by reciting the complete works of Swinburne
Even though most of the audience fell asleep after the first two
volumes this certainly proves the point that a bird at the Strand is
worth two at the Busch.
To the Polish cowboy: "I have two bullets with your name on them,
hombreski: I couldn't fit it all on one".
M.L.,U! SOCIETY BARES NAMES OF EXPEDITION PERSONNEL TO PRESS.
The M.L.,U! Society revealed today the names of the leaders of the
expedition to Zanzibar and beyond. The group's leader is Sir Orkney
("Orkie") Urrd II whose noble dad, Sir Orkney I, was lost at sea
following an ill-fatedtry at capturing a live Abominable Snowman in
Tibet a few years back.
Sir Orkney ("Orkie"), is the fifth Firth of Forth, following his
father's footpath as the fourth Firth of Forth.
Assisting the leader will be Sir Stanley Livingstone, K.C.B., the head
guide who is an authority on toadstools and will help us to avoid
mistaken identity. (Unfortunately Sir Stanley's lifelong study of
"toadstools" refers to toad droppings but before we had discovered
this distinction his contract had laready been firmed up).
Next in line is our white hunter, Ashley Fawlkes-Wolffingham who, when
asked how many of the investors he would care to have on the
expedition, was quoted as saying: "H'i'll tyke as many as h'i can but
h'i only wish we could tyke them all". (I wish I was sure what he
meant by that)
Also included is an invaluable member named Leaper A. Cohnfrom Ireland
who is a distiller of mushroom whiskey and twenty and forty years ago
knocked out a batch of "Zanzibar Deelite" from the very mushrooms for
which we now search. Leaper could probably lead us directly to the
site of the hidden caves were he not swacked out of his mind on each
of the two occasions in the pastwhen he was at the caves. He made the
booze and drank it on the spot. We're taking him anyway as somewhat of
an authority as he's built up a powerful thirst and after a few weeks
in the jungle his memory might just jog loose and save us some time.
Finally, we have employed the services of a chief of the Ceeceide
tribe as our trusty unbearer, Akimbo and his sidekick, Spiro, (whose
keeper (see below) has cheerfully released him on the proviso that we
don't bring him back.
With this formidable group we are assured of success.