La gazette De gourmet

M.L.,U! MASSES MOUTH MISERIES OR MERRIMENT IN MAY

The following are some of the more printable answers received in the wake of Sir Orkie's now famous "You don't care" memo. These answers are broken into two groups: "I" - the signed, or those who are proud to be investors; and "II" - the unsigned, those who are ashamed to take a clear stand (probably on anything).

GROUP I

I care, care, care, care, care, care. Congratulations on your astounding feat.. We anxiously await your return!(?)

Donna

Orkie, dear Orkie:

But I do care - I just have not had time to write to you - immediately. After all, last summer, whilst I was lying in a hospital bed, I received your epistles, and believe it or not, you kepy my spirits up! (no, not the liquid spirits - not allowed in the hospital, you know)

Now, I have been searchin for recipes for the use of these marvelous mushrooms you found. I have found a few and if you are interested, I will be happy to share them with you.

Please be careful, Orkie, and hurry home with the goodies.

And, remember, we all do care - some of us are just a little lazy (or busy)!

Carolyn

Things we need to know about mushrooms:
1. Are they edible?
2) If they are, are they poisonous?
3. If not, do they taste good?
4 Do they keep?
5. If so, what do they keep?
6. And do they do it well?
7. What can we do with them?
8. When?
9. How?
10. Orkie didn't wet on them, did he?

Investor RES

GROUP II

Dearest Orkie:

You may not remember me, but I remember you. Didn't you have a cousin in Mamaroneck who lived next to Zelanski's Liquor Store? I'm sure you're the same one! When I saw your picture in the paper with all those mushrooms and everything it dawned on me that you were my longg-lost "dream man" from Majorca Avenue Oh those nights at the "Little Bayonne Bar & Grill" where all of us from P.S. 118 used to wait for "ORKIE from Majorky" to make the scene. Little did I know when I made my investment with M.L.U. that they would send you, my own precious hunk of manhood off on such a perilous mission. Come back, come back to the girls who loved you. Put aside those mushrooms and speed your return to us - the DAR, PC (Daughters of the American Revolution, Pulaski Chapter)!

Big Vootie:

As a mushroom lover and investor in the M.L.U Society, I wish to submit, respectfully, my emotions and/or reactions to your letter of 2/2/72.

Well, it certainly took one bloody Hella'va long time to collect those damned toadstools from Sansbar or wherever the 'ell it was! What with blinkin' ay snakes, a pants wettin' leader and wot not I've been sittin' here on my ruddy duff some 12 plus months waitin' with me tinglin palate for a taste of those bloomin' frog umbrella's. Manys the time I thought me quid was down the drain watchin' these blinkin' idiots stumphe around the globe gettin' into all manner of situations and wot not. If you ask me this bloomin' Orkie needs a blinkin 'op in the duff to keep 'im dancin for a month. Sheikh Ibn Heer Befir me ruddy foot! Howsomever, so much for niceities. I'll say it plain enough for Orkie the Damp to get through his blinkin' lead. If I don't get me bloomin' munchers into a high priced mushroom soon I goin' ta lose me bloomin' temper. ORKIE!! Get your ruddy duff, AND THE MUSHROOMS, back here in the double or your bloomin' hide won't be worth a happenny when I get through with ya!

With all due respect and appreciation, Eric LaRouge

SOVIETS SEEK OLD
To cope with labor shortages, the Soviet Union is encouraging pensioners to come out of retirement. In Uzbekistan, a 117-year old man went to work as a traffic policeman.

Whale oil is still a whale of a business!!!

ODE TO A MUSHROOM
(with feeling)
Mushroom, o mushroom Growin' in the field Mushroom, o mushroom You taste so good peeled.

Mushroom, o mushroom You carry your load. Protectin' from rain The frog and the toad.

Mushroom, o mushroom I long for your flavor If Orkie ever gets back lt's you I will savor,

Mushroom, o mushroom This poem to you I write May God protect you from hunger and blight

Mushroom, o mushroom So shamelessly nude Mushroom, o mushroom You're my favorite food.

Orkle, or Orkie If you should fail Orkie, o Orkie It's you my fork will impale.

Eric LaRouge
Circa 1972

EFFICIENT FIREFLY
The average light bulb converts only about 10 per cent of its energy into light, wasting the rest as heat: a firefly operates its lamp without hear at better than 95 per cent efficiency.

Identified by a slop- ing brow and rounded tail fin, a flathead catfish may weight 100 pounds and measure 5 feet from tail to whiskers.

Never release Genies from bottles and never accept a wish from them!!!!!!!!!!