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Mushrooms of Zanzibar pages

La Gazette de Gourmet vol. 1 issue 2 (2)

April 1972


Deahr Mr. A. Kimbo:
lt is with some distress that I hear from 0.Rrkie (and more pleasantly from yourself).

Rather than barglning in by bagging the fruits (??) of your exploratory labours this stockholder would like to know some of the answers to the prior queries.

Mushrooms are a notoriously finicky sort of thing, people who are not dis- cerning die from not being selective and careful and so forth.

Your record of being selective and careful on this expedition is matched only (if I may say so) by your miserable and so forth.

I care! Will somebody please pay attention! I CARE! - Let's not sack up and bring home with testing.

Let Orkle eat some.

Let Orkie eat a lot.

Let Orkle eat until he shuts up.

Let's see what happen! I CARE! I CARE! I CARE!

Mit friendly grease
Ye Director

DEADLIEST ANIMAL
The world's most deadly animal may be the sea wasp, a 5-inch jellyfish which drifts with the waters off northern Aus- tralla. Swimmers brushed by its trailing tentacles usually die within five minutes from cobralike venom. There is no known antidote.
Dear Big Vootie:
I've been tricked. You conned me into investing most of my life savings in your expedition by tantalizing me with thoughts of a rare feast. For months I've followed their progress. I've chuckled with them, sweated with them, cringed in horror as they faced their mighty dangers, and even marveled at the genius of their fantastic fotograph- er. But most of all I'm mad.

Last night, as I was knot- ting my bib, the cook slipped up beside my chair and whispered, "Big dad," (that's what she always calls me) "we've got something special tonight!" Guess what, Big Vootie, mushrooms. Mush- room soup, mushroom salad, ham and mushrooms, and mushroom glace for dessert. B.V., you scoundrel, they're 6 lbs. for a quarter. And at Barker's yet!

With mixed emotions and a slight cramp in my middle, thanks.

Sincerely,
Betterbe Unsigned

T0 ORKIE AND HIS FRIENDS:
I really do care - but there are times when I just don't get a chance to even take a deep breath - I am kept so busy!

Anyway, I think you and your friends did a bang up job, and most enjoyable to read, even though there were times when I was a little late in read- ing the journals! The trip sounded fabulous, wish I had been with you to travel over foreign lands! Don't know if I would have been able to take the heat in some of those lands, but then when one travels, you have to take the good with the bad, right? It just seems so wonder- ful to be able to go any place - let alone come to work!

Where will you be go- ing next?? Some magic land, or perhaps "Shangri-la"! Such a wonderful place - 1t's nice just to dream. and we are - a great many of us - dreamers, aren't we??

Many, many thanks for your wonderful jour- nals, and if and when you take off again, please drop us a line, to keep us up to date on what you are doing, and what is going on in those foreign lands!!

An ardent admirer!

In 1931 editor Henry L. Mencken found that on his radio, "all I could fetch up was a long series of imbecile speeches by Sth-rate politicians and agita- tors and an equally long series of stupid musical programmes . "
Orkie:
Your right, I don't care, at least not for the whlmpering requests of a successful expedi- tionaire so soon after the completion of such a risky (was he Polish?) venture. Really Man, what turns you on? Besides all of your (30) under age and well endowed gunbearers*. Do you not think it was emotionally distressing at this end awaiting word of the long sought after abscounce of those tasty molded morsels from the bowels of Tanzania.

Understand also Orkie that while you are fortunate in having but a singular goal at which to direct your efforts most of your investors have a multitude of philanthropic interests and investments con- currently. It becomes almost impossible to keep up with your "well dones" and "good shows." what I'm trying to say Orkle is that I've been up to here.

What is a philanthropic interest, well, Orkie, let me give you an example of those under- takings at which I am presently engaged:

l. I've recently fi nanced a search for the lost charisma of one J.V.Lindsay. A reckless act on my part, this is actually a function of the F.B.1., D.M.I.**

2. I've been at ends trying to trace the hairdresser of Germaine Greer. Think of the notoriety, if I could find an enuch that didn't.

3. I've donated thou- , sands in the interests of international good will for the purchase of new brooms for the P.D.S.*** .

*Some unofficial releases have reached us also Orkie. (Akimbo has sold: his soul for a lifetime subscription to "Dut- door Life".)
**Dept of Missing Images
***Peking Dept of Sanitation

Pause Orkie and ask yourself, "Have I the right to demand the com- plete attention of so select an individual as this." Ah but now you have my attention so let me say, "Gloryosky (is that a Polish broad?) Orkie," "Good show."

In closing and in the ultimate compliment let me quote you Orkie and say "This is by no means an apology, merely an accounting of fact.

Yours in good grits,
A. Calorie Counter III

WHERE ARE WE GOING?
Once we've gathered up all the ephermerae, our group will retrace its steps to Zanzibar and embark on our fleet, round the Horn and make for New York and the renowned Lsrchmont mushroom terminal market. After that, distribution and profit. It's all down hill now friends and you know that it was worth the wait.

WHERE HAVE WE BEEN?
well, Mushroom Fans, as we stand here on the eve of our expedition's return trek to the coast laden with you know what, a body pauses to recall some of the high points of the perilous journey which climaxed with an astounding success. we've bumped into some notable personalities, real biggies like Queen Elizabeth and Prince what's-His-Name, Golda and Moshe, and Shiekh Ibn Heer Befir to name a few.

We've had some harrowing experiences such as the bakers' strike at Penzance, the jaunt through the Shiekhs' palace, Zanzibar, the jungles and the burning desert wroth with villionous bandits and foul mouthed and depraved. Legionnaires.

Finally, after defeating Sabu, the great snake, we discovered our treasure and, having rested, we began the great harvest. Our sacks are piling up and almost all the mush- rooms have been plucked (we must get them all because, if you remember, the next growth won't occur until 1992).
(cont.)

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