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Adventurer's Biweekly Gazette

18 Dec 1968 P.M.


GAZETTE

VOLUME XXXVL, NEWTOWN, CT. PRICE $1.50

FLASH FLOOD CAUSES UNDERMINING OF GROUND ON WHICH SNOWMANS CAGE WAS STANDINGDURING NIGHT

BALIGAN, NEPAL, Reuters: Disaster greeted the sad members of the Greater Newtown Historical and Anthropological Society's Snowman hunting expedition this morning when they awoke to find the prize for which they had all so nobly and conscientiously sought,trapped,and finally captured had, during the night, escaped.

It had rained most of the night and the rain was caught in pockets higher up in the mountains.

Shortly before the dawn these pockets poured downmountain in the form of a tremendous torrent. The flood,in its swift, mad downward rush,had caused the ground upon which the Snowman's cage stood to wear away thence leaving an opening on the underside of it.

With the bottom of the cage gone the only live Abominable Snowman ever in captivity made good his escape and, it may be assumed,set his course right back to the high peeks from which he had only so recently been taken.

The sorry part of this tragedy is that the cage: was barred or walled on all sides and the top but the bottom was left free of bars or flooring as it was not conceived that such an occurrence as has happened could, in fact, happen.

When asked if the group would attempt to effect a recapture of the fleet snowman Sir Orkney Urrd said, in a quavering rasp "Our bloody budget can't permit it."

Another drawback of the demise is that it may be difficult for the party to prove that they ever had the elusive monster at all as no one had taken the time to make even one photograph of it. Cie, Cie la vie.


Once used for lighting and soapmaking, whale oil is now mostly converted into margarine. World total production of whale oil is about 500,000 tons per year. (Still a whale of a business.)
The business encouragement bureau of Nepal has announced that Abominable Snowman hair will bring seven thousand tyen on the open market.Of course the bureau adds the market is very low at the moment.

ALL IS NOT LOST FOR THE GNH&A SOCIETYS PATRONS SAYS VOOTIE BIGWIGS

EASTON, CONN. UPI: The Vootie board of directors announced that those stalwart supporters of the Greater Newtown Historical and Anthropological Society may still realize some small benefit from this tragic loss. Speaking for the Society the board explains that the GNH&A Society does not want on its conscience the misery of its many and true patrons. Therefore, all the persons who have so firmly supported the cause will in some way be rewarded for their faith and generous contributions. It is hoped that they will receive these meager but well meant gifts with graciousness.

RARITY OCCURS IN TIBET (UPI)

Sir Lancelot Hogben, who is the prime navigator of the ill-fated GNH&A expedition in Nepal recently shot a 500 pound Ounce near Lhasa.

PITNEY-BOWES EMPLOYEES ARE AMONG GNH&A LOSERS

Noted **** disclosed today that several of his constituents stand to lose as a result of the GNH&A Society's fiasco in Nepal. Aside from **** himself, those luckless individuals are **************. The Society hopes that the bitterness of these unfortunates will be short lived and it most sincerely thanks them all for their generous contributions.
Over five billion-fifty-one beer bottles are produced in America annually. Will the Great Society ever, ever cease to amaze us?

VOOTIE CORPORATION BARES FORMATION OF THE EASTON ASTRONOMICAL AND COSMIC ASSOCIATION LIMITED

Based upon P.T. Barnum's precept that there is an investor born daily (or something like that), the Vootie Corp. announced today its plans to formulate a new enterprise of stellar proportions whose twofold purpose will be to obtain "A", an asteroid, and "B", a frozen cosmic ray, and to return them to earth by Christmas of 1967 for the profit and edification of the scientifically minded. A tremendous fund raising effort will, of course be required and the members of the GNH&A Society will be given first crack at this magnificent undertaking.

A BRIEF, OPEN LETTER TO THE MEMBERS OF THE GREATER NEWTOWN HISTORICAL AND ANTHROPOLOGICAL SOCIETY

Newtown, Conn Vootie I.S. Investors
Christmas of 1968 may be doleful and dirgelike this year for those whose contributions to the ill-fated expedition of the Greater Newtown Historical and Anthropological Soc. were lost, regretfully in the futile attempt to return the elusive Abominable Snowman. Success had already been grasped when an unforeseen natural catastrophe (the first flash flood in all recorded Nepalese history) intervened, and in an instant negated all the noble and heroic efforst of Sir Orkney Urrd and his devoted band of explorers and Sherpas.

There may be some despair and melancholy among a few who lost a minute portion of their worldly goods, but how truly noble and inspiring is the flat attitude of those several subscribers who say unto themselves: "Oh well, you win some and you lose some."

The head of the sprawling Vootie Corporation has commented: "One must make allowances for the hazards and pitfalls of this life as well as its bounties. I trust that those who gave so generously to the Society will show as much grace, tact, and understanding as we do here at Vootie."

If words of nobility such as these can drop from the lips of the most major stockholder, what is left for well adjusted, mature, and responsible lesser hurt investors to say?

Your
Authorized
Representative

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