Frustrated by fate's fickle finger, and completely divested of the funds to hopefully and
copiously provided by our contributors, the GREATER NEWTOWN HISTORICAL and ANTHROPOLOGICAL SOCIETY is under
neither moral nor legal obligation to provide a dividend this year. However, out of the
purest generosity, each contributor is provided with the nearest living relative of the Abominable Snowman, the:
Society members will not that the Abdominable qualities of the Abdominal Doughman are quite evident. The
Abdominal Doughman is a unique member of the animal kingdom. It is a full and complete invertebrate whose
vestigial head and limbs are located internally. In its present state, the Doughman is not
dead; it is
dormant. When slicing, employ a delicate touch. Most creatures are named for their place of origin,
(i.e. Bengal tiger, etc.); the Abdominal Doughman is named for its ultimate destination.
TECHNICAL DATA ON 1967 G.N.H.&A.S. DIVIDEND
LENGTH: See Diagram
HEIGHT: See Diagram
WIDTH: See Diagram
WEIGHT: See Scales
Vitamon content increases as shown. Black seeds are pure vite. Brown seeds are pure mineral. Goodness
is a function of time. It varies with individual tastes. The contributor should classify himself according
to the graph below.
The application of infra red radiation from an electronic bread browner is recommended after three days
of possession. Contributors are urged to experiment with butter, jam, jelly, marmalade, ham,
sausage, cheese, garlic, sauerkraut, honey, peanut butter, etc. and any other palate pleasers which may be handy.
In any event, good health and long life, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours.
Your Authorized Representative