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PROJECT REPORT

23 Dec 1968


Frustrated by fate's fickle finger, and completely divested of the funds to hopefully and copiously provided by our contributors, the GREATER NEWTOWN HISTORICAL and ANTHROPOLOGICAL SOCIETY is under neither moral nor legal obligation to provide a dividend this year. However, out of the purest generosity, each contributor is provided with the nearest living relative of the Abominable Snowman, the: ABDOMINAL DOUGHMAN.

Society members will not that the Abdominable qualities of the Abdominal Doughman are quite evident. The Abdominal Doughman is a unique member of the animal kingdom. It is a full and complete invertebrate whose vestigial head and limbs are located internally. In its present state, the Doughman is not dead; it is dormant. When slicing, employ a delicate touch. Most creatures are named for their place of origin, (i.e. Bengal tiger, etc.); the Abdominal Doughman is named for its ultimate destination.


TECHNICAL DATA ON 1967 G.N.H.&A.S. DIVIDEND


LENGTH: See Diagram
HEIGHT: See Diagram
WIDTH: See Diagram
WEIGHT: See Scales
CALORIES: Plenty

Vitamon content increases as shown. Black seeds are pure vite. Brown seeds are pure mineral. Goodness is a function of time. It varies with individual tastes. The contributor should classify himself according to the graph below.


The application of infra red radiation from an electronic bread browner is recommended after three days of possession. Contributors are urged to experiment with butter, jam, jelly, marmalade, ham, sausage, cheese, garlic, sauerkraut, honey, peanut butter, etc. and any other palate pleasers which may be handy.

In any event, good health and long life, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours.

Your Authorized Representative

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