VOLUME XXXVL NEWTOWN, CT. PRICE $1.50
G.H.N.&A. SOC. BEGINS QUEST FOR A.S.
SIR O. URRD, TOP A.S. AUTHORITY, HAS ANOTHER GO AT IT
PUBLIC FINANCIAL AID IS DEEMED A MUST
For this great Scientific Endeavor, we, on the home front, must provide the capital. The public is kindly
asked to do its part. To cite an example of the enormous expense to which we are subject, the average Sherpa
guide drinks between thirty and fifty cups of hot, buttered tea per day. Only the highest grade of yak butter
will suffice for these indispensable but temperamental members of our expedition. Sir Orkney and his valorous band need
your help. Shares are issued only one per person at the rate of $2.00 U.S., per share. (it should be noted that
blue stamps will be given*)
Mail now, or wait for your Authorized Representative.
*To qualified investors**
**Qualified Investor: one who holds more than 10 shares - too bad you can only buy one
DLOWY CAGE DESIGNS
New York: It was disclosed today that the retention cage for the Abominable Snowman is to be designed
and built by that irrepressible, well known industrial design organization: Raymo N. Dlowy of New York, Bombay,
VOOTIE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR COMMENTS
From his palatial Easton, Conn. estate, the executive director of Vootie Corporation, the Rt. Hon. Mr. W. Singleton
Young, has commented: "It is generally believed that the Abominable Snowmen are to be found in Nepal in the Mt.
Everest area, but the G.N.H.&A. scouts have seen signs that lead them to believe that their best chance would
be at Mt. Gehezutsu in western Nepal.
Mr. Young noted that he had intercepted this intelligence on his two "ham" radio sets (NBC & BBC).
G.N.H.&A. SOC. REVEALS NAMES OF OFFICIALS OF EXPEDITION
The G.N.H.&A. Society released this week the names of the primary members of its extraordinary expedition
to Asia. The commanded of the group is Sir Orkney Urrd, I.S., O.B.E., who is the renowned leader of the 1959 expedition
of the Wilson Ave. Natural History Society. (That expedition met with varying degrees of success.) Sir Orkney is also
the leading authority on the habits and diets of the Abominable Snowman.
Assisting the leader will me Sir Montgomery Allen-brooke, K.C.B., an old crony of Sir Orkney's, who is
also well versed on the subject of Abominable Snowmen.
Also notable amongst this group are Mr. Uriah Heep, I.B.M. treasurer; Mlle. Lydia Pinkhamm geologist;
Sir Lancelot Hogben, navigator; Sir Percival Potts, surgeon; Sir Joseph Kayseebee, porter; and Mr. Dirk Humble,
logistical expert (former bon vivant and international scoundrel-at-large without portfolio).
In addition to these notables, 150 Sherpa guides have been engaged, as have several experienced mountaineers.
SCHMECK LOSES OUT
Stamford: A sad dawn arose today for Bob Schmeck of Pitney-Bowes when he learned that the snowman cage contract
was let out to R. N. Dlowy. However, Schmeck is still under consideration for the contract to Buroland-Schaft
the G.N.H.&A. home office.
TRAP FOR ABOM. SNOWMAN TO BE DESIGNED BY SIR ORKNEY URRD
The G.N.H.&A. Society news outlet today announced that Sir Orkney Urrd, the leader of the expedition,
will personally design the trap to capture the Abominable Snowman. Sir Orkney couldn't be reached for comment but the
expedition's second in command, sir "Monty" Allen-brooke, when asked about the snare would only
say "That Sir Orkney's a chap with a big trap".
FORTY-SIX YEARS FOR ROUAN
Pat Rouan, well known director of operations at Pitney-Bowes in Stamford, Conn. has recently completed
forty-six years with that company. He must be out of his mind (with satisfaction, of course).
Congratulations, Pat baby.
Sir Orkney Urrd, leader of the G.N.H.&A. Society's Tibetan expedition, declined to comment on the 1959 expedition
of the Wilson Ave. Natural History Society other than to mutter: "Rum, rum, go." Of this new venture, however,
Sir Orkney has been officially quoted as having said: "I'll bring back this bloody Abominable bloke or let me hair
grow and move in with 'im."
Well stated, Sir Orkney.